The Incredible Inchausteguis

I have been so blessed! In the last few months God has filled me with a deep love for the Inchausteguis, a family living here on campus. Monday they left, moving on to support-raising, coursework at Missionary Training International in Colorado, and then ministry in Mexico (to start a Kanakuk-like Christian sports camp).

In His goodness, God allowed me to spend a lot of time win them during their last week here, making signs and cupcakes to get ready for Isabel's sixth birthday party, setting up and playing with the kids at the water area in the park while Shawn and Susan set up at the pavilion for the party, late nights at their house packing things in boxes and cleaning in preparation for the big move, playing with the kids outside (tire swings, tag, restaurant/pretend, tree forts/houses, bike riding!)... Some nights I would come home from their house and just cry as lay on my bed. Spending time with them was so good that it hurt to stop, to come back home...

As I waved good-bye, their silver van headed down the street and tears came... I stumbled home (two houses away) and lay on my bed crying, this time heaving sobs shook my frame. No stifling, not sniffles, but full-out weeping. My tears were tears of love, celebration, and sadness. I realize that God has blessed me profoundly through this family. I celebrate His blessing! I celebrate the Inchausteguis! If I didn't see how good that was, I wouldn't be hurting right now. If I didn't have a heart that loves intensely, I wouldn't be hurting. Pray that I have the courage to continue grieving in this way---healthily, without restraint, not trying to push the sadness down or deny the hurt. I am learning that sadness is not "bad," that it is not sin. So often hopelessness and despair accompany sadness, and those are sins. This sadness, however, is not one of hopelessness. It is a sadness of celebration.

For one of the first times in my life, I am beginning to see how closely joy and sorrow are related, how both can be so profoundly felt at the same time. They are not opposites; they coexist. Anxiety is the opposite of joy, not sadness. I can grieve openly and not worry about falling into despair or depression and "being sad forever" because I can see God moving so much! He is blessing me and providing for me right and left! The other day I literally recognized TEN ways he blessed me in ONE hour! He's crazy about me! He is giving me eyes to see Him work! He reminds me how well He knows me! There is great joy in that!

At the same time, as Oswald Chambers said, "All change is loss. All loss must be grieved." (Thanks for the quote, Ashley!!!) I felt at home in the Inchausteguis' house, like I belonged, was loved, was accepted. At any moment it was okay to have silly, joyful times or ask a hard questions or have a deep conversations. We openly told each other (mostly me and Susan) that we were crazy about each other. Now they have moved. That is a loss. There will be grief. That is natural and healthy.

Let me introduce you to my friends...

Isabel and Kaleb wonder why we have to stop playing in the water to take a picture. The water area was conveniently located near the party pavilion for Isabel's birthday celebration at a park.

You can see Susan in the yellow shirt in the background. She worked really hard to make this a great day for Isabel! A lot of kids from Isabel's kindergarten class got to come, too.

The birthday girl blows out her candles.

There were two pinatas at the party. To break open the first one, you had to pull on the right string. Each kid got to pick one string. The birthday girl started us off...

Shawn, in blue to the right, made sure everyone understood how to do it. Later he blindfolded the kids and spun them around for pinata number two---the traditional, whack it as hard as you can kind.This is baby brother Isaac at the end of all the birthday fun, looking adorable as usual.

Having a picnic in their tree house (the day before they moved)

One beautiful girl!

What I Can't Do, Confessions of a Pride-aholic

A bit from my monthly e-mail update because some of you who read this do not get those...

In her Bible study on the book of Daniel, Beth Moore wrote that, “Satan recognizes the treasures God has given us more than we do.” He tries to convince us that we’re bad at the very things that we’re really good at. Satan has been trying to convince me that I’m not good at loving people, but God has been using this last month to affirm that He has gifted me in this area.

Not only that, God’s been pointing out ways that I’m prideful in how I love others (keep praying against that!), so that I can become more effective in ministry. When I try to take on things that are God’s job and not mine, I put a lot of pressure on myself, get tired from working so hard, and feel like a failure (no one on earth can fill His shoes!). When blame myself and don’t recognize what choices the other person is responsible for making, I prevent others from taking ownership of their sin and reduce the potential for them to grow as a result of our conflict. Isaiah 47:10 says, “Your wisdom and knowledge mislead you when you say to yourself, “I am, and there is none besides me.”” This voice of pride is mine whenever I think that all of the good choices, attitudes, or actions OR all of the bad choices, attitudes, or actions are mine in relationships.

I am learning that God is significantly better at knowing people and loving people than I am, and that is a beautiful, freeing thing! I am learning to identify what I CAN’T do in relationships and specify that out loud, in the moment (Check out the growing list of “Things I Can’t Do” on my blog: www.godblogyou.com !). Each time I add something to the list, I grieve that I can’t do something that I thought I could do (I have less control!), celebrate that I am not responsible for doing it (Freedom!), and am grateful that I know that Someone can do it and do it well (It’s God! There’s hope!). By showing me what I CAN’T do, God is lifting the burden of pride from my shoulders and freeing me to put more energy into what I CAN do. I can love. I can point out how I see God working. I can believe. I can point out sin. I can hope.

the new stuff....

Things I Can’t Do:
1. Make people feel loved (I am called to love and encourage people, but people get to choose whether they will receive or reject my love. I cannot control whether or not they believe that I care about them. I can hug them and write them notes until I’m blue in the face, but if they are convinced that I don’t love them, the hugs and notes will not change their mind. That doesn’t mean that I should stop loving them, but it does mean that my ability to love others can not be measured by whether or not they believe I love them/receive my love.)

2. Control people’s emotions---It’s my fault she’s mad, etc. (People choose what to feel, how to react. Someone can lash out at me and I can choose to respond calmly. Or I can choose to feel rejected or betrayed and yell back at them in anger. In both cases, the person’s action towards me is the same. How I chose to respond was different.)


3. Convict people of sin (It’s God’s job, not mine! I can call people out on negative things that I see in their lives or in their interactions with me. The Bible tells us to rebuke others in love; it is important that I do this out of love and not out of judgment or a desire to be right. At the same time, I cannot make others agree that a behavior is sinful or motivate them to desire change in that area. Neil Anderson, author of the Steps to Freedom, says that is misdirecting that person’s battle with God onto myself.

4. Protect people from shame (If someone is ashamed of their sin and does not want to confess it to others, I cannot protect them from feeling shame. In The Wounded Heart, Allender defines shame as, “the dread of being known.” He goes on to say that it is a result of misplaced trust, of letting people determine our acceptability rather than Christ. If we let Christ determine our acceptability, we are sad over our sin and move towards gratefulness for God’s forgiveness and Jesus’ death. It is up to the person whether or not they look to God or to man, whether they choose to feel shame or sadness).


5. Protect people from sadness, prevent people from being sad. (People choose their emotions.)

6. Heal people (It’s God’s job! I cannot give people freedom. I can point out how I see God working. I can point out sin that I see. I cannot give people a desire to seek truth or increase their belief.)


7. Make people love me (To love is a choice. I can love people, but I have no control over whether they love me back. I can be kind, observant, encouraging, thoughtful, honest, and sincere. I cannot convince people that I am worth loving. I cannot be perfect. I cannot earn love.)

8. Make people feel accepted/prevent them from feeling betrayed. (I can assure people that I love them. It is their choice whether to trust that I love them or to feel betrayed when I am loving someone else or focusing on someone else.)


9. Protect people from feeling rejected, abandoned, or like a failure (To feel fear is a choice.)

10. Read people’s minds/meet needs I don’t know about (To be open, honest, and vulnerable is a choice.)


11. Make people be real/admit their sin (I can be honest and open with others, but I cannot make them confess sin, speak truth, be honest, be vulnerable, admit weakness, etc. They control how well I know them. I can ask questions. I can hang out with them. I can love them. I can pursue them diligently. It is their choice whether or how deeply they let me into their lives.)

12. Make people receive hope (I can point out how I see God working. I can propose solutions to solve a problem. I can offer to help or assist. I can be optimistic. It is up to the person whether they focus on the good or the bad in the situation. I cannot make them see the good. Hope is a matter of perspective; it is a choice.)

13. Make people trust me. (To trust is a choice. I can ask people why they do not trust me. I can ask them if I have sinned against them in some way I am unaware of. I can ask forgiveness for my sin. I can seek reconciliation when there is conflict, but I cannot convince anyone that I am trustworthy. I can be vulnerable and honest and put all my thoughts, feelings, and sins on the table, but they get to choose whether they feel safe around me, whether I am worthy of their trust.)

These are also my prayer requests. Just because I realized that I couldn't do these things enough times to add them to the list does not mean that they are not things that I struggle with anymore. Pray that God would continue to convict me of pride and free me to love others well in relationships!!! Thank you so much for your prayers!!!!!!!

Helen, the Beautiful (and the Almost Married)

We threw Helen a bridal shower today. Here are the tasty eats. Her colors are teal and brown. The shower was outside, in Kylee's backyard.

This is Kylee. She's my mento/counselor/friend.

Helen got a lot of gifts. I think she looks like a model in this picture! Isn't she beautiful!?!? I was the picture taker and it was really sunny, which made it a little tricky and a lot sweaty!


I was also in charge of encouragement. This is the scrapbook I made Helen with a lot of quotes from different people that love her about why they think she's wonderful, pictures of those people, Bible verses, etc. I found some post-it notes shaped like speech bubbles and wrote the quotes people had in the speech bubbles. It was so fun and colorful! I think she liked it. She even cried! Then we prayed for her as a group:

Later we had cupcake decorating! Yum!

Ezra, One EZ Kid to Love!

This is my friend Ezra. He and his family went through our training program this Spring and left today for the summer. The picture if of us saying good-bye last night. He's a sweetie and I've really enjoyed encouraging him, spending time with him, playing games with him, etc. We've had several Mancala marathons and even played chess a few times! I didn't know how to play chess until I was in high school, so I was impressed that he had the general idea. We got confused about a few pieces because it was an African chess set and the pieces looked totally different than in the standard black and white version I'm used to. Ezra loves games and, even more than that, he loves attention. Not in a "look at me!" show-off kind of way, in a "I'm the middle of three kids and the other two are louder and express their needs more forcefully" kind of way. He has a great personality and makes me laugh!

One last week I got back from a bike ride and was passing by Ezra's house on the way back to my house. Out of the blue, he walked up to me and asked, "Do you want to go on a jog? We could go right down this street, that street, and back here (around the block). I could go change real quick." I said, "Sure!" and was totally amused that he had come up with going on a jog as a fun form of hanging out with me, especially since there was no previous talk of running or jogging going on. Then it cracked me up that he was going to go change clothes. He wasn't particularly dressed up or anything that required changing, but he came back out in baggy green athletic shorts and a t-shirt, ready to go on a run. We asked his mom for permission, and we were off! And he didn't try to run ahead of me or anything either; he stayed right by my side and made conversation. We were actually fairly similarly paced, which I thought was fun, too. I love how he was getting winded, huffing and puffing a little, and quickly found a cool piece of trash on the ground to stop and look at for a minute. I love how obvious kids are, even in their subtlety.

Here he is being camera shy and then laughing.

This is a season of transition, as my roommate Helen moves out and gets married in June, my roommate Laura leaves to lead an internship to Bulgaria this summer, my friend Susan and her family leave Florida to support raise in the Mid-West and then deploy to Mexico, my friend Angela leads an internship to Myanmar and Thailand (also the editor, person who looks over/proofs my work), Ezra and his family leave for the summer, my friend Misty moves back into our house after a few month absence (she was house sitting for some people who were out of town), a new session of the COAT training program starts and someone named Megan moves into our house, my friend Melissa moves back from Rwanda, Shane (Helen's future husband) begins working in Media after an apprenticeship in Kenya, Ryan begins working in Media after support-raising in Oklahoma, and more. A lot of change is coming, and that is a little overwhelming and also an opportunity for growth.

Pray that:

I will let myself be sad, grieve the things I'm loosing and know that it's okay to miss them. Being sad doesn't mean I'm going to be hopeless, it means I realize that those were great things!

That my eyes will be opened to how God is working in my life and the lives of those around me, I would continue to be filled with praise and awe at His goodness, timing, provision, how well He knows me, etc.

My identity would be securely rooted in Him and in His love for me, I'd speak up/speak truth to people/believe my thoughts and opinions and perspectives are valuable, I'd be unshaken by less frequent contact with friends, transitions, etc.

I would become even more self-aware, having a teachable spirit, being humble, to learn what unhealthy patterns I have in communicating, what is unhealthy about how I view others, God, love, etc. That I would recognize my needs and take steps to meet them without guilt or shame (time alone, time with people, counseling, exercise, sleep, etc. Continue to discover and develop the giftings God's given me through trust/see them as gifts

Some friends that went through COAT with me would be able to move back soon (Derek and Ashley); I miss them; they're support raising right now

I'm a Winner!!!!

This morning I ran a 5K (3.1 miles) that a local church was sponsoring to raise money for AIDS work in Africa. I asked a few different people if they wanted to do it with me, but they either didn't want to or were busy, so I ended up going by myself.

I made a friend there who actually goes to the same church as me and the same college/young adult group while I was waiting for the race to start! How fun! We'd never met each other before and ran part of the race together. I thought that was particularly ironic because the reason I got into running in the first place was to build relationships with girls at my home church when they were training to do the Race for the Cure together. Tiff and Rachel, I was especially remembering you today! They are so good at pace setting! And we're similar in speed. AND I just like them a lot! God has been giving me more boldness in initiating contact with non-NMSI people. I think that's exciting!!!

By the way, I got third place in my age division! Can you believe it!??! I got a bronze medal in a race!!! I think that's pretty funny! (Yes, there were only a few hundred people there, so I'm not actually sure how many people there were that were in my age division). But there is still reason to celebrate, especially since it will probably never happen again! WOW!! It is especially wonderful because I just decided to sign up for the race on Wednesday night (this is Saturday/race day) and did a "practice run" on Thursday to make sure that I could still run three miles. Lately I've been biking more than running----I looked up my weekend bike riding route (created by my friend Sarah) on www.mapmyrun.com and it was 18 miles! Isn't that crazy!?!? One of the benefits of living in Florida is consistent sun, which makes me smile!!!!!!!!!!

Do you like my pretend running pose? That's the cord of my camera case on the ground :0)

Did You Get My Newsletter?

Sometime in mid-April, you should have received my newsletter. My first official, paper NMSI newsletter!!!! Potentially, you could receive up to three of those per year from me. If you did not receive it and want to, feel free to e-mail me and I'll add you to the list! I'm excited to share what God's doing in my life with the people who love me, support me financially, and pray for me!!!

Here are a few fun pictures...

This is our printer! I've recently learned to order toner, calibrate the printer, and ???

We print things on 11x17 pieces of paper, for the most part, which saves money because we pay "per click" for printing. That means that printing one piece of paper costs the same amount, no matter how large the piece of paper is. After printing multiple copies of a publication on the same piece of paper, we cut them apart with this fancy cutter. There is a lot of laughing that goes on by that cutter because it's hard to push the lever down sometimes. Also, that's where I make most of my mistakes, accidentally cutting of part of a letter of a word or making a cut that is a fraction of an inch off (that matters if you are putting the publication in the folder or sending it to the bulk mail). I'm learning (some days are better than others) that mistakes are not sins, to "cut" myself a little slack.

This is the fancy folder. It has a pretty good beat---when it starts folding it kind of sounds like someone is blasting some loud bass music from the car next to you while you're waiting for a stop light. I am quite grateful for the folder, though, as we recently have printed some brochures for the "How Will They Hear?" campaign (to raise money to build houses on campus to have room to train missionaries that are going to the field) that are on 12x18 paper and consequently are being folded by hand because they do not fit in the folder. So I'm thankful for the folder and Vicki, an aunt of one of our missionaries in Bulgaria, who has been volunteering in the PUB (we call it that here...it stands for "PUBlications" office) and folding brochures and tabbing and labeling newsletters.

Here are some examples of finished publications. Don't they look nice!??!!? These are my friends Derek and Ashley, who will be moving to Fort Myers soon (I hope!!!) to work in the Short-term Ministries division and with HIVHope. It's fun to e-mail people back and forth about the proof of their publication because I get to develop relationships with missionaries that I haven't met and keep up with a few of my friends. Yeah for e-mail!

This is a sheet of address labels, a giant disc of tabs (circular stickers that hold the newsletter together in the mail---we don't put them in envelopes) that I think looks kind of like an old time film reel, and a bulk mail tub. We sort out each newsletter into 1. foreign 2. local 3. all else as we tab and label. We get a cheaper rate on mailing local items (.118 cents) as opposed to all else (.162 cents). So that's a little more about what I do each day! I'm excited to include pictures! I'm at the Bread Co. using their free Internet right now and it totally makes me think of support-raising. I used free Bread Co. Internet a LOT during those months! I guess Florida is not a TOTALLY different world.... :0)

Ways That God is Bringing Me to Life

This list was originally going to be part of my April e-mail update. God did ALL OF THIS in the last month! Can you believe it!?!? These are experiences when I could say, "This is totally me! This is who I am! I feel so alive!" I remember getting excited about feeling that alive feeling two or three times while I was in Peru during the summer of 2007 teaching English and working in orphanages...and that being WAY more than "normal" at that time in my life. Man, God sure is moving!!! I'm like 500% more alive than I was then! (3 times vs. 16 times in a month)


Ways That God is Bringing Me to Life
1. Helen and I spontaneously made homemade bubbles. Then we used drinking straws to invent various bubble wand prototypes and tried to convince several others on campus to join the fun. I love doing silly, kid-related things!

2. Laura, Kyle, Helen, and I went on a prayer walk around our neighborhood and used sidewalk chalk to write “Jesus Loves You!” and “There’s Hope!” on corners where prostitutes usually stand. I love prayer walking! And I love sidewalk chalk! And I love writing with fun lettering!

3. Jazzy (5 years old, family going through COAT training program here to serve in Ecuador) and I played beach volleyball in my office one morning before work started. Then she did some creative, interpretive dancing and had me copy her for a good half hour. I love how she’s not afraid of her beauty or afraid of how much she loves me!

4. There have been a few times when my housemates and I have read bedtime stories from the Jesus Storybook Bible. I love reading children’s books to other people! I love it when I get the feeling that, “this is exactly how things are supposed to be!” One time we read a passage that said,

“I can’t stop loving you. You are my heart’s treasure. But I lost you. Now I am coming back for you. I am like the sun that gently shines on you, chasing away darkness and fear and death. You’ll be so happy—you’ll be like little caves running free in an open field. I am going to send my Messenger—The Promised One. The One you have been waiting for. The Rescuer. He is coming. So, get ready!”

We acted out the part about the calves running free in an open field with me. We were down on all fours and it was really funny! I love it when people do silly things with me! I love being joyful!

5. Ezra (7 year old whose family is going through the COAT training program here) sought me out to play games with him. I love how kids are really obvious about who they love. His mom invited me to invest in him regularly and be a prayer warrior for her kids. I can’t believe that our friendship just started in the last month! I love to encourage kids, play with them, listen to their stories, ask them questions, invest in them…that makes me feel so alive!

6. Helen came into my office to celebrate about a conversation she’d just had with her father and I had her wear a feathery, purple boa (that was in the package of joy that my church sent me a while back). Then we praised God together, literally praying to Him and telling Him we were super-excited! I got to pray with four or five people that day and it was another one of those, “this is exactly how it’s supposed to be!” feelings. Some of the praying was about sad things, but all of it was looking to God. I love it when he reminds me to do that and I obey him!

7. My friends, the Inchausteguis, are preparing to go to Mexico as missionaries. While Shawn was out of town support-raising for a few weeks, I got to help Susan out with the kids once in a while, which really solidified my friendship with their family. One day I was helping Isabel (5) with her spelling words while Susan gave Isaac (8 months) and Kaleb (3) a bath. Then I read a book to Kaleb while Isabel took a bath. I love teaching! I love remembering games that I used to play with my kindergarten kids (with Word Wall words in this case)! I love reading to kids! I love seeing kids looking all cute in their pajamas! I love it when kids cuddle with me on the couch!

8. I was playing with the Inchaustegui kids in the backyard by myself and felt very responsible, trustworthy, and like I could be a mom. It did made me miss the other kids I had in kindergarten, though.

9. On my birthday I was taking a shipment of newsletters to the Bulk Mail on the other side of town. I didn’t realize how much I miss driving in the car and singing loudly!

10. Helen, Laura, and I had a picnic outside and tried to eat donuts without using our hands, just diving right into the plate mouth-first. I love doing common things in silly ways! I love laughing! I love party games (this event was inspired by a Jell-O eating contest for Little-K in college)!

11. We made a care package to send a few people in the COAT program after they’d moved away to support raise (This session of COAT is over now and the next session starts at the end of May). I love thinking of ways to make people smile! I love thinking of funny reasons why to include each item in the package. I love using post-it notes!

12. My friend Sarah is doing an apprenticeship with YouthHope (a ministry of NMSI that is working to impact global youth and train global youth leaders) and recently finished writing some papers for a college class that she is taking. We celebrated with spontaneous bubble blowing in the office (from the wonderful package from my home church…did you know there are smelly bubbles!?!? These were grape.) I love celebrating with people! I love reminding people that little victories are a big deal! I love it that they share their victories with me!

13. I’ve found some fun clothes on the free table lately, one of which is a pair of bright green pants with thinner pink and brown stripes down them. I like to call them my watermelon pants. I wore them the next day! I love free things! I love silly things! I love that Tera, Ezra’s mom, said, “those are totally you!” (Sorry, Kris, I haven't gotten a picture of them yet.)

14. One day it was really windy and I made a kite out of a paper bag, some sticks, tape, and string during lunch. Susan, Helen, and Laura really enjoyed watching me try to “fly” it! I love being resourceful and spontaneous! God keeps giving me ideas of fun things to do! They just happen! God keeps giving me fun ideas about how to love people! They just happen! Because they’re coming from Him, I don’t have to worry about running out of them! How freeing!

15. About fifty of us gather together to have devotions every morning at the office. Once a week we sing instead of doing Bible study. This was the case on my birthday and all the songs were about God loving us incredibly much. I love worshiping! I love singing! I love connecting to God like that! I love it when I know some of the words to the songs! (There are a lot of new songs here, so that was a special gift. I really miss worship at Rooftop!)

16. On my birthday people were asking me random questions to get to know me better. One of them was, “If you could have any three pets and not have to take care of them, which pets would you want?” My response was, “Can I have kids instead of pets?” I named a few of my favorite kids. That led to, “What was your favorite thing to do with your kindergarteners?” That was a really hard question because I LOVED teaching a TON! I listed a few things, one of which was “sing silly songs with them.” I asked my friends if they wanted to sing a silly song with me, and then they all got up and we sang the “Tutti Tah” by Dr. Jean. It’s a culminating song, like Father Abraham, that ends with you spinning around in a circle and singing with your tongue out and your bottom up in the air. I love singing silly songs! I love songs with hand motions! I love introducing people to fun that they didn’t know about before!